Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
