Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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