the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize