So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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