Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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