He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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