i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
