what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
