erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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