Sry I called you an 8
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
