Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
