At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
