Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize