So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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