Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
