Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
