be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
