and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
