Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
