he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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