Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
