I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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