She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
