My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
