im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
