we have officially lost it.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
