Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
