Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
