Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
