Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
