babies were throwing up all over the place
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
