you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
