i think my tv is drunk
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
