Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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