the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
