She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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