I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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