It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
