i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
