I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize