There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
