apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
