Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
