I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
