He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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