woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
