I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize