so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
