Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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