And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
