my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
