Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
