my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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