so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
