are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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