that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
