Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
