Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
