I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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