just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
