This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The air was thick with penises
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
