Me too!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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