Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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