my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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