I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
