I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Randomize
