Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
