Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
