weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
