awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
